The first cassette tape I ever purchased was the Beastie Boys’ Licensed to Ill album. At 9 years old while sitting in the back of my mom’s red station wagon, I curiously asked her what a “porna matt” was. She said she didn’t know and asked me to use it in a proper sentence (she’s a teacher of 35 years). Ok, no sweat I thought. So I sang the lyric “And my mom threw away my best porna matt!”. She furrowed her brow and said she still wasn’t sure what it meant. She then asked me where I had heard it and I told her I heard it on my new Beastie Boys tape of course! … the tape soon went missing. 

In 1992 at age 14, I attended my first ever concert in San Jose, CA. It featured the Irish-American rap group House of Pain, the all-female metal rock band L7 and the Beastie Boys as the headliners. It was one of those adolescent moments you never forget - one part “first-concert” teen anxiety, one part unbridled excitement all wrapped into one emotional experience. My bedroom was adorned with Beastie Boys posters from wall to wall and in high school I drove a 1972 orange Volkswagen camper with Beastie Boys stickers lining the bumper. Many friends and acquaintances knew me as the Beastie Boy. During that time, my parents house was the after-school go-to spot in the neighborhood. My friends would come over and we’d watch a “Best of the Beastie Boys” videotape over and over and over again. We’d sit there and rap along to the lines impersonating our favorite Beastie. I actually carried the videotape around in my backpack like contraband in the hopes I could pop it into a VCR somewhere between school and home. We must have watched that tape 500 times and the stylized music videos of New York City ultimately inspired me to move there.

One weekend in high school, I drove down to Santa Barbara with some friends to see the Beastie Boys perform during their Ill Communication tour. Its a solid 6 hour drive and we showed up to the venue way early as we didn’t have tickets. We walked through security and trespassed onto the Santa Barbara Bowl property. We made our way around the empty amphitheater and suddenly I saw Adam Yauch just standing there looking as lost as me. I slowly sauntered over to him hoping to come off as ‘cool’ and I casually said  ”Hey man, you know where I can get tickets for tonight’s show?” He said “Nah man, sorry I don’t.” Moments later security approached and we were subsequently escorted out the area. 

In 1996, I attended the first Free Tibet concert in San Francisco. After a clumsy bout of crowd surfing I found myself unattended in the media pit below the stage. I used it as an opportunity to sneak backstage where I found myself in front of Mike D and members of Tribe Called Quest. With camera in hand, I snapped a few portraits of Mike D and once again I was quickly escorted out by security. I guess I just wanted to be around them at whatever cost. The truth is I just wanted to be one of them.

Immediately after high school I wasn’t exactly certain what I wanted to do with my life. I went to a local junior college, passively took the required classes while always remaining heavily influenced by the Beastie Boys music and their public service. I slowly began to study philosophy, sociology and read more about Buddhism and the human rights violations in Tibet that Adam Yauch so passionately discussed in the media. I got myself together, saved a boatload of money and at age 20 I travelled to Tibet to learn more about the religion, the Tibetan people and ultimately myself. On that trip I took a film camera with me and learned how to take photos for the first time in my life. It was an incredibly powerful experience on a number of levels and I doubt that it would have happened had it not been for Adam Yauch. 

I came back to the US, continued my studies and pursued efforts to help other people. I moved to New York City two weeks following the events of 9/11 and accepted a position as a Counselor working with people who lost family members on 9/11. One of the many things I felt during that time was how blessed I was to be offering real help to the “New York” that Adam Yauch and the Beastie Boys so lovingly rapped about. 

The Beastie Boys helped shape part of my character because they asked more of themselves and more of everyone around them. They challenged me on my own privilege and helped me check myself on my own bullshit while still having tons of fun in the process. I’ve learned so much from them - from their creative efforts and their demands for social justice to their willingness to learn from their mistakes. I’m being very sincere in saying that much of who I have become as a person is due to these guys and most notably due to Adam Yauch. 

I am so very broken hearted by the loss of Adam Yauch. I hope you were as inspired by the Beastie Boys as much as I have been.